Lessons From a Porch Light

The last few weeks I've had a barrage of pornographic messages on Twitter. They are obscene, graphic and embarrassing. I block the senders and delete the messages, but they just keep coming. My other friends are getting them as well. We all feel so powerless to do anything to stop them - so we do the best we can and delete and block - again and again.

My email reflects Twitter. Everyday I get a multitude of invasive, downright obnoxious and over the top communications. Companies suggest they'll make me rich, young girls suggest things I don't want to mention.  Con artists offer to share their multi-million dollar bank accounts in the US if I'll only help them with a small funding. 

My personal space is filled with blatant disrespect.

Last week I was thinking about my childhood holidays.  My mom loved to host celebrations - so we were always having some form of party. There was a quaint little custom in my small southern home town. No one came to the door until the porch light was turned on. When we were ready for 'company', I excitedly turned the lights on. 

When we went to others' homes, we waited outside, or drove around the block - until their porch lights were on.  It was common courtesy. No one would have thought of intruding on the hosts personal space by knocking on the door before that light went on.

How far we've strayed from porch light courtesy.

We've lost the respect of personal space. Maybe it's too much exposure to virtual lives in games and movies. Maybe it's television and the wonderful reality shows some call entertainment - where people bare themselves to the world all for money. Maybe it's simply a case of following the wrong leader's example.

I think it's time we did something about it. I just don't know what to do.

These behaviors are so foreign to my own personal comfort zone, I don't know how to even think about them. What I do know is that I'm tired of the intrusions into my personal zone. From strangers, webbots and automated email systems to Twitter porn stars and spammers. But what can we do? Any thoughts are most appreciated.  As for me?

I miss the days of the porch light.

Comments

[Rebel]

THANKS so much for all your kind words on this post - they mean a lot to me!

Sorry it's taken me so long to get out here and comment. I've been a bit under the weather and am just now digging out.

I've had the image of my Mom's porch light in my heart all this week - thinking of the warmth and love shared behind that porch light during all the holiday and other celebrations in our home. Those were oh so welcome inclusions into our lives - unlike the unwelcome intrusions we experience today.

I pray we can all find a way back to that porch light - in our personal and our business communications and outreach.

Thanks again for all you share!

reb

[Pam Wyess]

Love this porch light metaphor. I don't have the answer to stop the uninvited, but it sure makes me stop and think about if or how I might be "showing up before the porch light is on" in my life. Thanks for a great post.

[Eric Goldman]

Rebel;
Great post - thanks! I'm thinking about how nice it would be to have a porch light for twitter and my email inbasket.
But wondering about where it's all going? I wrote a post on this which poses the same questions but in a different way. It's called The Digital Trust Factor - The Evolution of our Digital Senses: http://www.inbound-marketing-automation.ca/blog/2009/11/24/the-evolution-of-our-digital-senses/

[Aislinn O'Connor]

Totally agree. I'm very used to mentally filtering out most commercial messages, from Twitter to TV, but when you get porn spam personally addressed to you it's difficult!

I have my e-mail filters set to eat all messages that contain certain words or phrases, & update the filters every time the spammers find a new one. I now get very little e-mail.

Even with an unlisted number, I found random dialers were getting past my "no sales calls" arrangements, so I now have a phone that shows incoming numbers. If the call is not from someone listed in my phone book, I don't answer.

The mailing company has put me on a list of people who refuse to accept unsolicited advertising, so no-one is supposed to send me junk mail - except said mailing company gets paid to hand-deliver advertising to all households! They all go straight in the recycle bin.

I've printed out a sign to bar cold callers & hung it on the door. It simply used to say "No sales calls", but people still kept knocking, saying there were simply offering me helpful information, so now the sign applies to anyone who's not invited. It isn't only that I can't be bothered to be polite to them - I work from home, & I don't need these distractions.

There are a lot of courses touted online telling people how to infringe other people's privacy in the belief that this will make them easy money. Presumably this will eventually take care of itself when the users of those courses realize that most people don't respond.

Till then, I think it's going to be a case of taking every action that we can to reclaim our in-boxes, phone, mail & Twitter screens & shut these people out.

Just awitching off the porch light would be SO much easier!!

[Bob Burg]

So, what you're telling me is that $5 million promised to me by the deposed cousin of the Ethiopian Prince ISN'T really coming? D'oh!

Seriously, great article, as always, Rebel. I believe a free-market solution to the all-encompassing problem of spam will be found; just really looking forward to it happening soon. You're right; it really is an intrusion.

[twitter.com/ribblog]

Great metaphor. There is no simple answer to why the world is so different. But, this post makes me think:

When you have more stuff, you get more garbage.

John Ribbler